I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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