I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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