i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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