I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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