If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
