Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
