Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
