Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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