apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
