Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
