Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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