No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
