how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
