low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
