I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When are your genitals available?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
