There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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