Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
