We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
