Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
