I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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