That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
