just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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