I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
