she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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