I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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