Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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