He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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