i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
