remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
