It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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