NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
