did you get engaged???
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
