and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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