I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize