youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
