Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
