Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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