Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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