Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
