Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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