I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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