the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize