When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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