She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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