She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
