I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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