you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
