S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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