32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
