I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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