Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
