I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
