Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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