My cat gives me a boner
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
