Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
