i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.