I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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