Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  plz talk dirty to me

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  (212): plz talk dirty to me http://tfl.nu/4w96
  Replies (11) Good night (2090) Bad night (1034)
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  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (6994) Bad night (1033)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1658) Bad night (4578)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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  (646): you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor http://tfl.nu/zdss
  Replies (3) Good night (1437) Bad night (1002)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt

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  (413): i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt http://tfl.nu/1w7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1558) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.

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  (631): figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard. http://tfl.nu/oj4g
  Replies (5) Good night (2138) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.

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  (573): I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon. http://tfl.nu/xp8x
  Replies (3) Good night (731) Bad night (1346)
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  (562): View more from California

  The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.

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  (562): The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend. http://tfl.nu/pf8e
  Replies (5) Good night (1349) Bad night (551)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.

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  (703): I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet. http://tfl.nu/knpf
  Replies (2) Good night (1564) Bad night (535)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...

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  (573): I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad... http://tfl.nu/bjgv
  Replies (15) Good night (687) Bad night (2097)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"

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  (270): My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50" http://tfl.nu/q36v
  Replies (11) Good night (1828) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.

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  (406): All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven. http://tfl.nu/uskg
  Replies (11) Good night (1906) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.

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  (708): Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good. http://tfl.nu/6ter
  Replies (12) Good night (676) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm

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  (603): 100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm http://tfl.nu/mujv
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!

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  (312): I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit. (312): It's great being a young gay man in Chicago! http://tfl.nu/tlgx
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (424)

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