just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So squirting runs in the family.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.