Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license

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  (813): i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license http://tfl.nu/t0ir
  Replies (13) Good night (5478) Bad night (608)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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  (520): I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless. http://tfl.nu/n39p
  Replies (36) Good night (1052) Bad night (2910)
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  (415): View more from California

  I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny

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  (415): I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny http://tfl.nu/icdv
  Replies (41) Good night (958) Bad night (4162)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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  (540): Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right http://tfl.nu/yhhf
  Replies (38) Good night (5001) Bad night (1034)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8895) Bad night (1154)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?

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  (917): so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question? http://tfl.nu/2bvz
  Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (1075)
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  (707): View more from California

  I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.

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  (707): I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it. http://tfl.nu/727e
  Replies (26) Good night (1360) Bad night (4730)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'

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  (443): In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.' http://tfl.nu/dm32
  Replies (17) Good night (2159) Bad night (3851)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

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  (206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7
  Replies (18) Good night (6550) Bad night (981)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.

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  (901): He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless. http://tfl.nu/gg4g
  Replies (5) Good night (3801) Bad night (736)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.

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  (928): I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with. http://tfl.nu/qynz
  Replies (2) Good night (1275) Bad night (972)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  What goes on in that head of yours?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Gay sex, for the most part. Why?

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  (425): What goes on in that head of yours? (206): Gay sex, for the most part. Why? http://tfl.nu/64li
  Replies (7) Good night (2253) Bad night (798)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety

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  (931): Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety http://tfl.nu/hne4
  Replies (5) Good night (964) Bad night (567)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

  (469): View more from Texas

  I have the flu.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't give a shit

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  (214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n
  Replies (12) Good night (1270) Bad night (339)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...

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  (586): I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation... http://tfl.nu/5o32
  Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (413)

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