and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
