at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
