can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
