The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
4 words: hood of his car
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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