now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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