she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Of course I have a pirate flag
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
