i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
