i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
as a side note pls kill me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
