Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
