How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize