Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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