Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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