I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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