Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
